Reflecting on Monday

A reflection about dealing with disappointment, but being grateful.

Every year, my school gives out academic awards to the top students at school.

Almost all of them are based around whichever student shows the most empathy, integrity, studiousness, and things of that nature. Teachers decide the winners of these awards.

I truly believed that I was going to win one of those awards today at my school’s award ceremony. I have great relationships with all of my teachers, I have amazing grades, and I have been considered for other academic awards in the past.

Me, speaking in front of students with my favorite t-shirt on.

I did not win an award today. I was (and still am) a bit heartbroken.

I am also confused.

Obviously, I have had some gut reaction thoughts pass by that I know aren’t true and that I have tried to immediately answer my confusion.

Thoughts full of anger, blame, frustration; however, primarily a lot of thoughts full of desperation.

This prompts the question: What the heck am I desperate for? Why?

I have to admit that I have been desperate for validation from others.

I have to admit that I have been a bit desperate for seeking praise from others for being a good student. For doing as I am told in a world where a lot of people happily refuse to do so.

I believe this stemmed from a longstanding belief of mine that if one works hard and follows all the rules, success will ALWAYS happen.

I mean, we are taught in school that hard work works, right? That you will always be loved by everyone? That the bad guy never wins?

Over the past year, I have learned that hard work doesn’t always work immediately. Life isn’t like Instagram where you can scroll for hours and instantly gratify yourself. I guess life is more like a book full of chapters- some great, some not as great. I can only hope that if I work hard, my book will be full of more great chapters than not as great chapters.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

While I respect myself for caring about the awards today, I must be at peace with the situation. The thoughts of: “who knows, maybe I actually think too highly of myself?” and “I got robbed of an award today” will always coexist.

The amazing things others have done for me and the opportunities I have in the future exist too. And I need focus on being grateful for that.

Most importantly, I need to be happy for the winners of the awards. Like my triplet brother, Charlie.

The victories of character are instant, and victories for all.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thank you all for reading this. It means a lot to me.

Have a fabulous rest of your day.

Always feel free to reach out whenever.

Best,

Zach